16/10/2020

New Release - Storm Warning by Thom Collins #KindleUnlimited #giveaway


RELEASE BLITZ 


Book Title: Storm Warning 

Author: Thom Collins 

Publisher: Self-Published 

Cover Artist: Designerans 

Release Date: October 12, 2020 

Genre/s: Contemporary M/M Romance 

Trope/s: Cruise ship romance, moving on 

Themes: Widower finding love again, 

international travel, emotional healing 

Heat Rating: 4 flames 

Length: 52 000 words/208 pages 

It is a standalone story. 



Buy Links - Available on Kindle Unlimited 


The trip of a lifetime is far from smooth sailing

 

Blurb

Jamie Johnson is going to sea for the first time in his life. Atlantic Star is one of the most luxurious cruise ships in the world, and a two-week trip to Iceland offers Jamie the perfect escape. His life has been on hold since the death of his husband and a working holiday onboard a state-of-the-art ship is an opportunity to explore the world he’s been hiding from. A chance to think about his future and decide what he wants to do with the rest of his life.

When Dexter Fordyce steps onboard, all he wants is a good time. The cruise is his first holiday in years, and workaholic Dexter is ready to relax and enjoy himself. If he can manage a little fun with someone like Jamie, even better. Jamie is flattered by the attention. Dexter is handsome, charming and great fun and proves impossible to resist.

Jamie’s hopes of romance died with his husband. The prospect of a shipboard passion is attractive, but Jamie’s heart has been broken for too long and he can’t take the risk of falling in love. With stormy weather ahead, the two men are set for a voyage they will never forget.



Excerpt

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” he said, gazing into the night. Straight ahead he could see nothing but dark, the blackness was complete, but leaning on the balcony and looking down, he saw the moderate swell of the ocean and the white-capped waves hitting the side of the ship.

“We’re moving at a fair speed,” Jamie said, glancing at the wake they gave off.

“I suppose we have to, to cover the miles.”

Jamie stepped near to him, their upper arms touching as they stood against the railing.

He’s regaining his composure, Dexter thought.

Somewhere inside Jamie was a desire to be loved again, Dexter was sure of it. To be desired and wanted and not to spend the rest of his life alone. His love for Tyler could never be doubted, but Jamie was too young, had too much of his life remaining, to be on his own forever.

Dexter took a mouthful of champagne and swallowed, choosing his words. “I know this is new for you, and that it can’t be easy. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to, or aren’t ready for. What I’m trying to say is this is all up to you. How much or how little we do together, you decide. I won’t push you into anything.”

Jamie took a deep breath and sighed. He moved his hand from the railing and put it on Dexter’s waist. “I know what I want. And he’s standing right here.”

Dexter turned to face him. How handsome, how striking he looked, in the early hours of the morning, so far out to sea. He caressed Jamie’s face with the tips of his fingers, along his cheek and the lean length of his jaw. “You’re taking my breath away right now; I hope you realise that.”

Jamie put his own hand on top of Dexter’s. “Let’s go inside.”

   

  

About the Author 

Thom Collins is the author of Closer by Morning, North Point and the Anthem Trilogy. His love of page turning thrillers began at an early age when his mother caught him reading the latest Jackie Collins book and confiscated it, sparking a life-long love of raunchy novels.

He is currently working on a new series.

Thom has lived in the North East of England his whole life. He grew up in Northumberland and now lives in County Durham with his husband and two cats. He loves all kinds of genre fiction, especially bonk-busters, thrillers, romance and horror. He is also a cookery book addict with far too many titles cluttering his shelves. When not writing he can be found in the kitchen trying out new recipes. He’s a keen traveler but with a fear of flying that gets worse with age, but in 2013 he realized cruising is the best way to see the world.

Check out his website for news updates and a free ebook The Night.



Other links




Giveaway 

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one of 5 ebook copies of Storm Warning

 

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13/10/2020

Beyond the Realm: Remember - Multi-Author Series #KindleUnlimited #giveaway



SERIES REVIEW TOUR 

BEYOND THE REALM: REMEMBER 


Beyond the Realm: Remember is a multi-author series. 

Each book is set in its own world and can be read as a standalone novel. 

Join eight authors on eight very different, romantic, and magical stories as each one writes their own take on the same concept. 

“There’s no time. Remember…”  

  
There are eight separate release dates. 

All the books are available for pre-order and available on Kindle Unlimited. 



Book 1: Rueberry Orchard by Michele Notaro - October 6th

Buy link 


Blurb

“There’s no time. Remember Rueberry Orchard.”

A beautiful man in strange clothing starts invading my dreams, and even though I know he isn’t real, the dreams—mind-links, according to him—are so vivid it’s hard to imagine this man doesn’t exist. After a few of these nightly visits, I start looking forward to meeting him and listening to his smooth voice as he tries to convince me to go to Rueberry Orchard. 

To my surprise, the place really exists, but I know it would be crazy to go there when it’s ten hours away… right? 

When the visits don’t stop, some deep desire inside me knows I have to listen to this dream man, even if it’s absolutely insane. I follow his instructions to Rueberry Orchard, and nothing in this world could’ve prepared me for what I find. Or for the wild adventure I’m about to embark on. 



Book 2: Willowhope Manor by Sammi Cee - October 8th


Blurb

“There’s no time. Remember Willowhope Manor.”

All Chance wants is a change of pace and a little excitement, so opening a B&B in a town surrounded by ghost stories sounds like the perfect solution.

Throw in Jett, the super-sexy handyman, who is as willing to work him over as he is to help return the manor to its former glory, and Chance knows he made the right decision.

On the surface, the renovation is moving along perfectly. Then Chance asks questions that were better left buried, and the manor is quickly overrun with restless spirits.

Will Chance have to sacrifice his dreams, tuck tail, and run, or will Jett stand by his side to face-off with the ghosts of Willowhope Manor?



Book 3: Copper Creek by Jacki James - October 13th



Blurb

“There’s no time. Remember Copper Creek.”

From the moment Dimas met Hazzard they had a bizarre connections, it was like a mating bond but not quite. Something was missing. Imagine their surprise when that something turns out to be a someone.

An owl, a wolf, and a bear. All three mates and all three fit together perfectly. Now if everything else in Copper Creek were going as smoothly as their mating.

Unfortunately, an anti-shifter group is getting close to finding the psychotropic salamanders whose toxin can prevent a shifter's animal from surfacing. Join these three as they work with the rest of the Copper Creek clan to find the salamanders and make sure they don't fall into the wrong hands.



Book 4: Marcellus by Michelle Frost - October 15th


Blurb

“There’s no time. Remember Marcellus.”

Since the Null’s defeat, the land of Ferron had known peace under the guiding hands of the Conservatory of Mages.

After he earned his name in battle, Vian the Scarred set out on every mission the Conservatory put before him. Yet, no amount of hunting monsters or fugitive Nulls could quiet the fitful yearning of his heart.

Until Marcellus came and imbued Vian’s life with his golden glow...for a time.

Set on the path of an unknown monster, Vian hunts with a ferocity that feels misplaced while vivid flashes of golden hair catch at the edges of his dreams. Fulfilling the Conservatory’s orders has always been his life’s work, but this time the demands of his heart might win out if only he could remember.



Book 5: Amos Ridge by BL Maxwell - October 20th



Blurb

“There’s no time. Remember, I love you.”

It all started with a discovery. A cave beneath a waterfall that held a crystal. Two boys—best friends—embark on a journey they’re told will help all mankind. As the years go by, their friendship turns to love, and their adventure turns into a battle.

Drew Langly is the keeper of the crystal. With his contact, the crystal allows them to jump to different timestreams and help, if they can, to further that society or fix anything that improves their lives. When he’s ripped from the timestream, it’s the beginning of what will change everything they’ve come to know about how the different timestreams function.

Colby Adams is Drew’s boyfriend, fellow traveler, and jump partner. When Drew is left vulnerable after a failed jump, he’s there to help and try to figure out what went wrong. They soon discover another team of travelers is in trouble, but they’ve been warned against trusting them. The more they learn, the more they realize everything has been a lie. To rewrite a history that’s been full of deceit, they’ll need to put their trust, once again, in strangers. Can they rewind it all and begin again? Experience the history they were always meant to? With some unconventional help, maybe…



Book 6: The Manuscript by J.D. Light - October 22nd


Blurb

“There's no time. Remember the Manuscript.”

Omi has had vague but vivid dreams his whole life but would forget them within minutes of opening his eyes. When he started writing the dreams down as soon as he woke up, he suddenly realized the significance when things in those dreams would pop up in his daily life. A broken toaster that caused a ridiculous automobile accident that was thankfully not fatal to anyone. A pop can that exploded in the middle of class and covered his least favorite teacher in orange soda.

Omi's dreams about a man with sunflower eyes were his favorite and enough to fill the pages of a manuscript. He couldn't help but fall madly in love with the man, even if he never had a name. But the beautiful stranger never appeared like the other objects in his dreams and with every day that he didn't, Omi became more and more depressed until he finally had to lock the manuscript away and stop writing about the man.

Six years have passed since Omi has touched the manuscript, but he would recognize the man that shows up at his favorite coffee shop anywhere, even before he gets close enough for Omi to see his sunflower eyes. How is a guy supposed to react to seeing the man he's been in love with from the time he was eighteen in real life for the first time? Probably NOT how Omi does.

Canton knows that Omi is his oracle the moment he sees him… just like he knows that Omi is his mate from the very beginning. But that is impossible, since fate weavers haven't had mates in centuries, and it is absolutely forbidden to mate your oracle.

Canton has waited for his oracle for two hundred long years, and he desperately wants to finish his work, but the more time he spends with the feisty man, the harder it is to remember to keep his distance emotionally. How can he possibly spend endless hours with a man he wants so much and not get to treasure him like he wants?

The answers to that just might be found in the pages of a manuscript Omi isn't sure he wants to share.



Book 7: Amethyst Isle by Wren Kenzie - October 27th



Blurb

“There’s no time. Remember Amethyst Isle.”

Never trust a stray cat that follows you around and stares at you like it knows your darkest secrets. Especially, when that cat shows up perched on the shoulder of a huge man who demands I meet him on an abandoned pier at midnight if I don’t want to die. A man who also exposes those dark secrets right there on the street in front of my office.

My parents warned me to fear anyone who knew what I was. I should run away, but I can’t make myself do it. I’m drawn to him, and I need answers. I have to know how he knows. And just maybe he can explain the nightmares that have been ruining my nights. Explain why I feel like I’ve known him my entire life. But you know what they say about curiosity killing the cat, except this time, it’s the cat himself that might kill me.



Book 8: Imaginary Lover by Morgan Brice - October 29th



Blurb

“There’s no time. Remember your imaginary lover....”

Cory Caldwell woke up by the side of the road with no memory of how he got there. He pieces together who he is but has no idea what happened to him.

Dark visions haunt him—flashes of blood, magic, and a brutal fight. Scorching dreams of a faceless lover offer no clues. His gut warns that something urgent is eluding him, and that time is running out. Worse is the sense of bone-deep grief, as if Cory is missing part of his soul.

Desperate for answers, he hops a bus for Fox Hollow, a town famous for psychics, mediums, and those with supernatural abilities. Then a stranger calls Cory by name and casts a furtive glance around him. “There’s no time,” the man says. “I need your help. Remember...” Can Cory unlock his missing memories and rescue the stranger before it’s too late?

Imaginary Lover is full of dangerous magic, hurt/comfort, brave monster hunters, dark curses, sincere psychics, found family, and forever love.






Giveaway

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04/10/2020

New Release - Good as Hell by Clancy Nacht & Thursday Euclid


RELEASE BLITZ 


Book Title: Good as Hell 

Author: Clancy Nacht & Thursday Euclid 

Publisher: Eine Kleine Press 

Cover Artist: Clancy Nacht 

Release Date: October 1, 2020 

Genre/s: MM Romance Urban Fantasy, Humor 

Trope/s: Stuck together, Unlikely soul mates, the Chosen One 

Themes: Power corrupts, good v evil, silly and sexy but with feels 

Heat Rating: 5 flames 

Length: 65 000 words/ 245 pages 

It is a standalone story. 



Buy Links

    

Sex magic, infernals and void cats, oh my!


Blurb

It's a mysteriously charmed life for orphan Sebastien Harris, but it's still a shock to be offered a full ride to attend grad school at the obscure but prestigious Bosch University in upstate New York. Trouble starts as he attempts to reach the campus for his interview: first the train is cancelled, then a swarm of migratory air mattresses block the streets. When he finally arrives, he's too exhausted to question why a remarkably handsome man named Gem is waiting for him, nor does he have time. A demon horde demolishes the university, and the pair run for their lives—at which point Sebastien realizes Gem is not, strictly speaking, human. Their adventure exposes Sebastien's heritage...and reveals the prophecy he is destined to fulfill. Gem is infernal, a human-demon hybrid, and meant to be Sebastien's servitor, a magical well from which Sebastien, a warlock by birth, will draw the power to remake the world. If he survives.



Excerpt

“You’re late.” The tall man’s tone was so nonchalant it bordered on melodic, carrying the cadence of a world-weary sigh. “That is, you’re late if you’re Sebastien Harris.” He paused, eyeing Sebastien from his lofty vantage. His aquiline features formed an exceedingly dubious expression. “Are you Sebastien Harris? The gates opened for you, so I’m making an assumption here, but honestly.”

He pulled languidly at his pipe and made no comment about the cacophonic blue jays or the Hello Kitty helmet.

Sebastien wanted to reply, but he was still having a hard time breathing. Instead, he pulled off the helmet and let it roll away as he stared up at the man and nodded.

With the visor out of the way, Sebastien could admire the stranger properly. Even breathless and flat on his ass, Sebastien had to admit he was interested.

The tall man flowed smoothly into a crouch beside Sebastien, his long legs moving like well-oiled hinges, too graceful by far. His monochromatic ensemble was shades of gray, black, and white from dark curled hair down to his pointy-toed, iridescent black boots. It wasn’t exactly cool out—although it seemed far crisper here than it had on the road—but the man wore what looked like five or six layers on top, most of them silk or velvet or some other expensive material.

Sebastien had met lots of fashionable boys living in New York City, but this man seemed like another species entirely.

“Sebastien,” the man repeated with a little more enthusiasm this time, holding Sebastien’s gaze in a way that suggested he’d caught him looking. “You’re very late. Get your shit together, fresh meat.”

He smiled just a little, but it transformed his striking countenance into one far more accommodating, though still edged with intriguing cruelty.

After another puff from his pipe, the stranger passed it to his off hand and extended the other to shake.

“You can call me Gem, if you please,” he rasped as he exhaled richly scented pipe smoke to one side.

Sebastien took Gem’s hand and shook it even as Gem helped him to his feet. Sebastien’s legs trembled as he rose; the day’s activities were really catching up with him.

“I was delayed!” Sebastien shouted it, gesturing at the shrieking party of blue jays swarming around the gazebo. “I mean, I knew the birds were bad in the city, but I had no idea how intense they got this far out. How does anyone get here on time?”

This was, of course, leaving out the frolicking flock of mattresses and the subway being shut down, both of which were… Well, he had planned for the subway to possibly fail.

But it was his first mattress migration.

“Are you talking about the birds?” Gem looked momentarily puzzled as he gestured with his pipe toward the flock. “I’m uncertain how to break this news to you, Sebastien, but… Those are your birds. They’re here for you. They are not Bosch birds.”

He smiled, just a little, and this time it was distinctly unsettling. “You’ll know it when you see Bosch birds.”

“I don’t have birds. I was thinking about getting a cat, but—”

Fuck. Why was Sebastien bringing that up?

He was late, probably a mess, and there were angry birds.

Sebastien tried to smooth hair that had mostly parted ways with the little bun on the back of his head. Some stuck to his face, and he brushed it away as he looked down at what had once been a tidy, if imperfect, tie. The dress shirt was all but soaked through with sweat under the knit sweater he’d thought made him look quite smart. Now it just made him feel… damp.

Wincing as he peeled the sweaty fabric away from his skin, Sebastien mulled over the Bosch birds. That notion rang a bell, but he couldn’t quite place it. He couldn’t fucking think. The noise was inhuman.

“If they’re my birds, I’d really appreciate it if they shut up,” Sebastien muttered off-hand.

The shrieking stopped, leaving behind portentous silence.

He stared at Gem. Gem stared at him. Sebastien opened his mouth, thought, closed it again, and then blurted, “Um. That was weird.”

Weird being a relative term.

Then the ground began to shake.



About the Authors

Clancy Nacht

Clancy Nacht is a bisexual genderqueer person who lives in Austin. Many of her books have been honored with Rainbow Awards; Le Jazz Hot won for Best Bisexual/Transgender Romance & Erotic Romance. In 2013, Black Gold: Double Black was a runner-up for a Rainbow Award. In 2015, Gemini won an Honorable Mention for Gay Erotic Romance and in 2016, Strange Times won an Honorable Mention for Science Fiction. Wyatt’s Recipes for Wooing Rock Stars was a finalist in the highly competitive William Neale Award for Best Gay Contemporary Romance. The Phisher King won second place in the Rainbow Award for Romantic Suspense.


Thursday Euclid

The Thursday Euclid is a strange and elusive creature dwelling in the Texas Gulf Coast region. Frequently mistaken for Bigfoot, Chupacabra, or the monster of the week, he is, in fact, a 30-something black sheep with a penchant for K-pop, geekery, and hot and sour soup. When he’s not playing Dragon Age or World of Warcraft, he’s probably watching B-movies or talking to his best friend and frequent collaborator Clancy Nacht. You can find him on Facebook, Twitter, or email him at thursdayeuclid at gmail dot com.



Social Media Links

 

     

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03/10/2020

New Release - Hide to Seek (London Lies 2) by C F White #KindleUnlimited #giveaway

RELEASE BLITZ 


Book Title: Hide to Seek (London Lies 2) 

Author and Publisher: C F White 

Cover Artist: Ethereal Designs 

Release Date: September 30, 2020 

Genre/s: Contemporary M/M Romantic Suspense 

Trope/s: Enemies to lovers, slow burn 

Themes: Hurt/Comfort 

Heat Rating: 4 flames 

Length: 76 000 words/ 318 pages 

It is not a standalone story. 



Buy Links - Available on Kindle Unlimited 



Lust fuelled attraction is easy to ignore. 

An emotional connection is harder to deny. 



Blurb

Jackson Young has gone into hiding. Fighting to get his name cleared and his truth heard, he’s followed Fletcher Doherty to Ireland for a safe haven from those who want to silence his story.

As they work on Jackson's biography, their growing attraction gets harder resist. Fletcher's made it clear though—their professional boundary isn't to be crossed, especially with so many loose threads from each of their pasts left hanging.

But as he learns more about the once coveted celebrity's rise to fame, and the manipulation and control that came with it, Fletcher finds it increasingly difficult to distance himself from their intimate moments. Lust fuelled attraction is easy to ignore, but an emotional connection is harder to deny.

Surrounded by Fletcher's meddling family, and ex boyfriends who still harbour feelings of being jilted, Jackson has to play the part of his lifetime. Can he prove that he does have talent and win Fletcher's heart as well as his trust?

And can he do it all before their idyllic hideaway is compromised?

Hide to Seek is the second book in the London Lies trilogy and is a slow burn, hurt/comfort, romantic suspense series.



Excerpt

Jackson joined him at the edge of the boat as the land disappeared into the murky water that sloshed up against the stern. He didn’t say anything. Neither did Fletcher. Their silence wasn’t awkward. It wasn’t comfortable either. It was a shared moment of reflection. Of knowing this could be the only peace they might have in a long while. A three-hour ferry ride from Holyhead to Dublin on international waters meant they couldn’t be found yet. They’d managed to get through ID control without any real problems. For how many times Fletcher had done this journey, he knew the ferry border control wasn’t as meticulous in checking details as the airlines would be. It was why across water was the only way. And they needed to breathe in this sanctuary while they still could. Fletcher wasn’t sure what awaited them in Ireland. He had apprehensions about going home, about bringing Jackson Young and all that came with him, to his family. But where else could they go?

So they shared a silent agreement to just stand, stare and be.

Until Jackson broke it with an intrepid inhale and a twist of his body to face him. “We should talk,” he said through the gust of howling wind.

“Should we?” Fletcher kept his gaze forward. Or backward as it were.

“This thing.” Jackson flapped a hand between them, his fingertips brushing Fletcher’s arm. “Us. We should probably acknowledge it.”

Fletcher breathed in, his chest rising, and slapped the railing to stand straighter. He closed his eyes, then opened them but kept his gaze on the distant horizon and not on the man beside him who was conjuring up feelings he didn’t want to concede to. Not then. Not when there was so much else left to learn between them.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Jackson slid his hand onto Fletcher’s cheek, demanding he look at him. A hand that stayed there a moment too long, with blue eyes delving into his soul and a soft thumb brushing along his yearning lips.

“You do, do ye?”

Jackson removed his hand and Fletcher’s cheek tinged with the heat left behind, but the flecks of ice cold seawater carried up by fierce winds slapped his skin and soon wiped the warmth away.

“You think this is too complicated to deal with now. That we need to focus on the book. On ourselves. On hiding. That’s why you left me down there, isn’t it? You can’t face me.”

“What did you think? This would be a romantic mini break?”

“I think we need to acknowledge there’s something going on. We can’t ignore it. I spent my life ignoring what was in front of me and look what happened.” Jackson threw his hands in the air, indicating their current situation.

“I’m not ignoring you, Jax. There’s no time for us. You want this truth out, then we’re gonna have to prioritise.”

Jackson hung his head, the disappointment and hurt seeping off his deflating body. But Fletcher couldn’t do this. He couldn’t rebound so quickly again. Time after time he’d done that, and each time had hurt worse than before to the point he couldn’t trust his feelings anymore. Nor could he trust that Jackson wasn’t clinging onto anything that would save him. How could this be real? How could either of them think that this could be something?

“I can be friends.” Fletcher made a concerted effort to keep his voice low, neutral, soothing. “Neither of us are ready for romance.”

Jackson breathed through a smile. “Are you an old romantic, Mr Doherty?”

“Aye. I am.” Fletcher wrapped his jacket around him, arms folding. It was to stave off the blustering wind chill but also, maybe, to act as the physical barrier to coincide with the one he built up with every wretched word he spoke. “I don’t jump into bed at the first sign of attraction. So when I said, let’s see what happens, I meant it.” He sniffed as the ferry dipped and swayed, aiming for the open arms of Dublin port. “But first things first, we have to get you off this ferry as Cameron Dale.”



About the Author 

Brought up in a relatively small town in Hertfordshire, C F White managed to do what most other residents try to do and fail—leave.

Studying at a West London university, she realised there was a whole city out there waiting to be discovered, so, much like Dick Whittington before her, she never made it back home and still endlessly search for the streets paved with gold, slowly coming to the realisation they’re mostly paved with chewing gum. And the odd bit of graffiti. And those little circles of yellow spray paint where the council point out the pot holes to someone who is supposedly meant to fix them instead of staring at them vacantly whilst holding a polystyrene cup of watered-down coffee.

She eventually moved West to East along that vast District Line and settled for pie and mash, cockles and winkles and a bit of Knees Up Mother Brown to live in the East End of London; securing a job and creating a life, a home and a family.

After her second son was born with a rare disability, C F White’s life changed and brought pen back to paper having written stories as a child but never the confidence to show them to the world. Now, having embarked on this writing journey, she can’t stop. So strap in, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. 



Follow C F White 





Giveaway 

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an ebook box set of The District Line trilogy


 

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02/10/2020

New Release - Regaining Trust by Nell Iris #giveaway

RELEASE BLITZ 


Book Title: Regaining Trust 

Author: Nell Iris 

Publisher: JMS Books 

Cover Artist: Written Ink Designs 

Release Date: September 30, 2020 

Genre: Contemporary M/M Romance 

Trope: Second chances 

Themes: Established couple, infidelity, learning to trust again 

Heat Rating: 3 flames 

Length: 31 306 words 

It is a standalone story. 



Buy Links 



Can trust once broken be rebuilt?



Blurb

When workaholic Lawrence Weller walks in on the aftermath of his fiancé Frankie cheating on him, his world shatters. Frankie’s the love of his life, the only person he’s ever trusted, and the betrayal leaves him devastated.

Franklin Ennis makes a huge mistake he regrets deeply before it’s even over. He pleads for a second chance, willing to do whatever it takes to save their relationship.

A love that deep doesn’t just stop, so Lawrence agrees to try. But mistakes don’t happen in a vacuum. Are they both willing to own up to their part? Will their love be enough to repair what was crushed? Can trust once broken be rebuilt?



Excerpt

You never told me you were lonely,” I say.

“I did!” His protest is loud and takes some of the defeat from his body. “I’ve told you a thousand times. How I miss you when you’re always working late and wish we could do more stuff together.”

I knit my eyebrows together, trying to think back and remember. He’s right. He always hugs me tightly and tells me how much he’ll miss me when he knows I’ll work late. Or how he wishes we could do something together, even if it’s only watching a show while cuddling on the couch.

”I thought that was your way of showing me how you feel about me. You being sweet and caring. Not once did I think it meant ‘I’m so fucking lonely I’ll suck someone else’s dick.’ Was it even your first time?” The question is a pained scream, hurting my throat, my head, my soul. I don’t like yelling, so I take a deep breath and start counting to ten in my head to calm down, but I’m interrupted before even reaching three.

“Of course, it was the first time,” he roars. “I’m not a cheater.”

His words are a thundercrack in an otherwise dead silent apartment, and I rear back, scramble off the couch, and turn to leave.

“No. Please.” He’s pleading now, voice cracked and bleeding out on the floor. “Please don’t leave me, Lawrence. I’ll do anything. I love you so much, don’t leave me.”

I’m frozen on the spot. Undecided. The hurt, overly-dramatic part of me wants to storm off in a huff, throw some stuff in a bag, and retreat somewhere to lick my wounds, and rage and scream and curse the treachery, while wailing out my broken heart. But the other, more rational part of me won’t let me move, the part that still remembers how much I love him, still remembers his loving kisses, his devotion. His passion.

So I sink back down on the couch. Rub my palms over my face and swallow. “I don’t know what to do here, Frankie. I’m hurt and betrayed, but at the same time I just can’t turn off my feelings for you. But how can I be with you if I can’t trust you?”

“You can trust me. You can.” He’s so sincere, so heartfelt, leaning forward -- hands twitching so he shoves them between his knees -- begging, willing me to believe him. And I want to. I really do.

“How?”

“I’ve never done anything like this before, never kissed anyone, hardly ever looked at anyone like that. It was a huge mistake and I regret it. So, so much. I know I can’t prove it, but I was going to tell you. That’s what I was worried about when you walked in. How I would tell you. How you’d react. If you’d hate me.”

I must look skeptical because he hurries to continue. “I know. It’s easy to say when there’s no way of proving intent. But I’m not a liar. You know I’m not.”

“Do I?” I push out the question around the lump in my throat.

He slides to his knees on the floor in front of me, sits back on his heels, and tries to catch my gaze. I give in to his silent pleas and meet his eyes.

“You know me, Lawrence. You know you do. You know what kind of person I am. I’m only human and make mistakes like everyone. This one was huge and more stupid than most, I know that. I’m not perfect, but I’m not a liar. I’m not disloyal. And I own my mistakes.” His face is open. He blinks away tears, but his gaze never falters. His hands rest on his knees, palms open and turned up, and everything about him invites me to see the honesty in his heart.

And maybe I can see it. The slight tremble of his hand and the pulse fluttering visibly in his neck betrays his anxiousness, but he doesn’t move. Doesn’t squirm or fidget, doesn’t look away from me. Nothing indicates that he’s lying.

There’s no way he’s that skilled a liar. He’s always been open and honest and prone to blurting his emotions as soon as he experiences them. That thought deflates me and I fall back against the couch.

“Yeah, I know. I believe you.” And I do. At least my head knows. I’m not sure about my heart. Or my gut, rather.

His eyes well up and a tremble racks his body, but it’s the sight of his wobbly chin that finally cracks me. I hold out my hand, unable to not touch him anymore. “Come here.”

 

 

About the Author 

Nell Iris is a romantic at heart who believes everyone deserves a happy ending. She’s a bona fide bookworm (learned to read long before she started school), wouldn’t dream of going anywhere without something to read (not even the ladies room), loves music (and singing along at the top of her voice but she’s no Celine Dion), and is a real Star Trek nerd (Make it so). She loves words, bullet journals, poetry, wine, coffee-flavored kisses, and fika (a Swedish cultural thing involving coffee and pastry!)

Nell believes passionately in equality for all regardless of race, gender or sexuality, and wants to make the world a better, less hateful, place.

Nell is a bisexual Swedish woman married to the love of her life, a proud mama of a grown daughter, and is approaching 50 faster than she’d like. She lives in the south of Sweden where she spends her days thinking up stories about people falling in love. After dreaming about being a writer for most of her life, she finally was in a place where she could pursue her dream and released her first book in 2017.

Nell Iris writes gay romance, prefers sweet over angsty, short over long, and quirky characters over alpha males.



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